Don't Let Me Go
by Fictionsforfans
Summary: Shawn learned from an early age to always live his life to the fullest, because he knew there will be a day when we wouldn't be able to. When a health problem from Shawn's past comes back, how will he deal with it again?
1. Chapter 1

Santa Barbara, California, 1977

Madeline Spencer smiled softly at her newborn son. He was fast asleep in her arms, lips slightly parted, long eyelashes fluttering. She never knew that her heart could be filled with so much love for one person. Their perfect family of three was complete.

Henry came back into his wife's hospital room after filling out his son's birth certificate. Henry had decided on the name Shawn, and Madeline agreed to it. _Shawn Henry Spencer_ , he thought to himself. He couldn't think of a more fitting name for his newborn son. He placed a hand on Madeline's shoulder and rubbed it affectionately.

"He was worth the ten hours of labor," Madeline said. She leaned down to kiss Shawn's forehead. When her lips touched his forehead, she noticed how cold it was. She gripped one of his tiny fingers in her hand and noticed that was cold too.

"Henry is his skin supposed to be so cold?" Madeline asked her husband.

Henry responded running his thumb over Shawn's forehead. "He is cold," Henry observed. "That's odd."

Madeline's breath got caught in her throat. "Henry, his lips are turning blue! Get the doctor!"

Henry ran out of the room and called for the first doctor he saw. "My son's lips are turning blue. He's ice cold."

A swarm of doctors and nurses ran into Madeline's room. One of the doctors removed Shawn from Madeline's arms, eliciting a sob from the woman. Madeline gripped Henry's arm tightly as she watched her son get whisked away from them.

Henry stroked Madeline's hair back as she cried into his shoulder. "He'll be okay, Mad. The doctors will take care of him. They know what they're doing."

Between the exhaustion of labor and the sudden panic of her son being taken away from her, Madeline felt her eyes drooping against her will. She was so tired.

"Rest Maddie," she heard Henry tell her. "I'll wake you up when the doctor comes back."

Henry studied behavior for a living. It's what he did. It's what he was good, no, _great_ at. He prided himself on that fact. So, he knew as soon as the doctor stepped into the room that his son's condition was not good.

Like he promised, he woke Madeline up before the doctor could say anything about Shawn. Madeline jolted awake with Henry's touch. "Shawn?" She asked groggily. "Is he okay? How's my son?"

The doctor stepped forward and shook both of their hands. "I'm Doctor Adams. I'm the neonatal cardiologist for your son. I'm afraid I have some bad news to share. After further examination of your son,"

"Shawn. My son's name is Shawn," Henry corrected.

"Yes, Shawn," Doctor Adams said. "I have diagnosed him with Tetralogy of the Fallot. It is a congenital heart defect. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this."

Henry stared blankly back at the doctor. He had to admit, he was not at all familiar with congenital heart defects. He never thought something like that could happen to his son. His whole career focused on paying attention to the details, and seeing things people overlooked. Congenital heart defects was the one thing he overlooked. Never would he have imagined that he would be having this conversation with his son's doctor.

Doctor Adams continued. "This defect affects the structure of Shawn's heart, and causes poor oxygen flow out of the heart and the rest of the body. This is why he was cold to the touch and his skin was turning blue. Unfortunately, surgery is the only treatment. I'll have to run further tests to determine what would be the most effective surgery for your son, but we will need to operate as soon as possible. I need you to understand that this may not be the only heart surgery Shawn will need. This is a lifelong condition. Even though we can repair it in infancy and childhood, this condition will continue into adulthood."

Henry ran a hand through his thinning hair as Doctor Adams spoke, thinking of something of to say. For the first time in his life, he was at a complete loss for words. "Thank you doctor," he replied lamely.

"Where is Shawn now?" Madeline said. "Can I see him?"

"He's recovering in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. You can see him, but please be aware that we had to ventilate Shawn. He's currently not breathing on his own, and he is attached to various machines."

Madeline nodded slowly. "Please, I need to see my son. I need to be with him."

Doctor Adams nodded. "Of course. I'll have a nurse escort you down." He shook both of their hands again and left.

Henry slunk down in the uncomfortable plastic chair he was sitting in. He rubbed his temples as he felt a headache coming on. He couldn't imagine what the future held for his son.

Santa Barbara, California, 2008

Shawn stood in front of the mirror, playing with the top button of his button-down shirt. If he left it unbuttoned, he (and everyone else) could see the top of his open heart surgery scar poking out. If he buttoned it, he risked being hot all day. A downside to living in California was that the summers were always sweltering hot out.

Shawn checked his wristwatch. He was running late, as usual, and Gus was waiting for him in the Blueberry outside. _It was hot,_ Shawn thought, _It would be silly if he buttoned his shirt all the way up to his neck._ He left it unbuttoned, grabbed his wallet and keys and left his apartment.

Shawn got into the car and immediately cranked the AC as high as it could go.

"You're late," Gus commented. "We're late."

"It's me Gus, what did you expect?" Shawn said, adjusting the air vents so they directed the cool air onto his face. He covered his mouth with his hand as he yawned.

"You don't look good. Did you get enough sleep last night?" Gus asked.

He had. He had gotten plenty of sleep. He fell asleep on his couch at nine o'clock and didn't wake up until his cell phone rang at noon. "I did, I'm fine."

Gus pulled into the parking lot of the crime scene. He had received a call from The Chief about a young woman who had unexpectedly died in her apartment, and she suspected foul play. Shawn would have to be on his game if he wanted to figure out this case.

Shawn got out of the car, and wavered slightly. He put his hand on the hood of the car to steady himself. He tried to take a few deep breaths, but found the simple action difficult. His vision became blurry around the edges, but he blinked a few times, and it went away. He hoped no one noticed. _Was it this hot when they left?_ Shawn thought.

Buzz McNab waved to the pair as the approached the apartment building. "Hey guys," the friendly officer greeted. "The Chief's waiting for you upstairs."

"Thanks Buzz," Shawn replied, devoid of his usual pleasant tone.

When they entered the building, Shawn pressed the elevator button, while Gus headed for the stairs.

"Really Shawn?" Gus joked. "You're going to take the elevator up to the second floor? You should start working out with me."

"It's faster this way," Shawn lied. He didn't think he would be able to walk up one stair right now, let alone a flight.

The elevator doors opened, and they took the short ride up to the second floor. They followed the crime scene tape until they got to the victim's apartment.

"Hey Shawn, hey Gus," Juliet greeted, pulling her notepad from her pocketbook. "The victim's name is Maggie Ross, age twenty seven. She was found by her next door neighbor."

Shawn closed his eyes as Juliet's voice dragged on. He knew he had to listen to what she was saying, but he couldn't focus. His brain felt like a thick fog had rolled over and blocked his ability to think. He tried to grab on to the chair next to him, but missed.

Juliet dropped her notepad and tried to catch Shawn as he fell. She saw his eyes roll back into his head as she laid him on the ground.

"Shawn? Shawn!" She yelled, her voice rising with panic.

It was too late for Shawn to hear her. He was already unconscious.

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my first Psych story! This was inspired by the ever-mysterious scar on James Roday's chest. Also, I am not a doctor, but it is important to me that this story is as medically accurate as possible. If you liked this start, please review!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Psych or any of its characters.**


	2. Chapter 2

Santa Barbara, CA, 1977

Madeline held her two-week old son in arms, rocking him gently. Shawn was sleeping, despite the oxygen cannula that was taped to face and all the wires monitoring his heartbeat. Shawn had yet to leave the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in the two weeks he's been alive.

"He looks so peaceful," Madeline said. "Poor thing doesn't know what's happening."

"Dr. Adams said that he has high hopes that everything will be fine," Henry assured his wife. He didn't believe a word of what he was saying, and he was sure Madeline didn't either. His newborn son was about to have open heart surgery to repair a rare congenital heart defect. The doctor hadassured them that things should go as planned, but Henry still couldn't help but worry. If, no _when,_ Shawn made it through the surgery, he would not be out of the woods just yet. Dr. Adams remind Madeline and Henry that Shawn's heart problems may persist into childhood and adulthood.

A nurse entered the room, signaling to the nervous parents that it was time to prep Shawn for surgery. Madeline kissed her son's forehead, and passed him to Henry. Henry held Shawn in his arms, one last time, before he went to surgery. Shawn was so tiny in his arms, he couldn't imagine how tiny his heart was.

Santa Barbara, CA, 2008

Juliet's hands shook as she searched for a pulse on Shawn. "Someone call an ambulance now!" She yelled. "He's got a pulse! It's weak, but it's there."

"On it." Lassiter whipped out his cell phone.

Gus knelt next to Shawn, anxiety plastered all over his features. "He wasn't looking right this morning," he said. "He was hot and sweating, he couldn't walk up the stairs."

Shawn's eyes fluttered open slowly. He blinked a few times, his eyes bleary. "Jules?"

"Don't talk Shawn," she said. "You collapsed. An ambulance is on the way."

"It's my heart," he mumbled.

"I know," Jules said. "It's going be okay. You're going to be just fine."

"You're worried about me," Shawn said, his signature smirk appearing on his face.

Juliet couldn't help but smile. If Shawn was smiling, that had to be a good sign, right? Shawn closed his eyes again, but Juliet kept her hand on his chest to monitor his heart beat. Her eyes lingered to the long scar going down his chest.

"I've always noticed the scar on his chest, but I never said anything about it," Juliet told Gus.

"He doesn't like to talk about," Gus said. "He had the first surgery when he was a baby, and another one when he was fifteen. He used to be self-conscious of his scar when we were in high school. He used to button his shirt up all the way to his neck in freshman and sophomore year, even in the summer."

Shawn's eyes opened slowly. "It's not nice to talk about someone when they're laying on the floor, half conscious."

The paramedics came and quickly assessed the situation. "Male, early thirties, collapsed eight minutes ago," one of the paramedics said. "Has he had a history of heart problems before?"

"Yes, he has a congenital heart defect. It's called um," Gus stopped to think, kicking himself over the fact that he couldn't remember what his best friend's heart defect was. "I can't remember."

The paramedics loaded Shawn onto the stretcher and carried him off. "Can I ride with him?" Gus asked.

"Sure, but we're leaving right now," the paramedic answered.

"I'll meet you there as soon as I get done here," Juliet said, forgetting for a moment that she had a crime scene to investigate here.

Shawn was loaded into the ambulance and Gus followed suit. The paramedics immediately hooked Shawn up to a heart monitor and placed an oxygen mask over his face. Gus held Shawn's hand, offering him whatever support he could. Shawn gave no indication that he was aware of Gus's presence, which scared Gus even more. Gus held onto Shawn's hand until the paramedics arrived at the hospital and Shawn was wheeled away to a hospital room.

Gus sat in the waiting room, wringing his hands together. He knew what he had to do next.

Henry hurried into the hospital doors, clad in a red shirt, cargo shorts and flip flops. He had been polishing his boat when he received Gus's call. Gus only called when something was wrong, so Henry had headed to his truck before he even answered the phone.

Henry sat down next to Gus. "What happened?"

Gus explained everything. "I knew there was something off with him this morning. I should have insisted that we skipped this case."

Henry crossed his arms over his chest anxiously. "He's always been so damn stubborn. He wouldn't have listened to you anyway. Has there been any updates?"

"I asked a nurse a few minutes ago, but she told me she would get us as soon as she heard something."

As if on cue, a nurse came out from the back. "Family of Shawn Spencer?"

Henry and Gus jumped up immediately, following the nurse as she led them back to Shawn's room. "You can sit with him," the nurse said. "He's resting now. The doctor will be in to give you more information on his condition."

Shawn was laying in the hospital bed, eyes closed. The oxygen mask had been replaced with a nasal cannula, and he was hooked up to the all too familiar heart monitor. An IV had been placed in his arm.

Shawn woke up when Gus and Henry came in. "Hey buddy," Shawn greeted when he saw Gus. His face fell when he saw Henry enter in behind him. "You called my Dad?"

"I had to," Gus said.

Shawn braced himself for the lecture he knew was coming. "How long has this been going on?" Henry asked.

Shawn tried to move his arms, but felt constricted from the IV's. "Maybe two weeks."

Henry's eyebrows shot up. "Two weeks? And you didn't think about seeing your cardiologist? Shawn, I expected you to be more proactive."

"I didn't think it was going to get this bad," Shawn admitted. "I thought maybe it would go away."

"This isn't something that's going away Shawn. You've had this since birth. You knew this day might come."

"Don't reminded me," Shawn muttered.

A doctor Shawn had never saw before entered his hospital room. "Hello Shawn, I'm Dr. Williams. When you came in, you were bradycardic and had low oxygen levels, which is why you passed out. Your heart was beating too slow. We've managed to increase your heart rate now, so it's beating at a normal rate. I reviewed your medical history, so I'm familiar with your heart defect. Unfortunately, I do have some bad news."

Henry was taken right back to the time when Shawn was born, when the doctor told him and Madeline about Shawn's heart defect. This was too familiar.

Dr. Williams continued. "I ran an ECG and a chest x-ray when you were brought in. After further inspection, I noticed that you have pulmonic regurgitation."

Gus looked at Shawn's face, looking for any change in emotion. He was sure that Shawn didn't know what that meant.

"Pulmonic regurgitation is common in adults who were diagnosed with Tetralogy of the Fallot when they were babies. Pulmonic regurgitation happens when the pulmonic valve doesn't do its job, and causes blood flow from the pulmonic artery into the right ventricle of the heart."

Shawn wringed his hands in his lap. He was embarrassed to admit that he didn't know what any of this meant. The only thing he understood was that his heart was weak.

"The treatment I recommend is valve replacement," Dr. Williams said. "I'm afraid your heart won't get better without it. I'll discuss the different types of valves that we can use, but right now, you need to rest. I'll be back later to talk with you."

"Thanks doctor," Henry said, taking a seat next to Shawn's bed.

Shawn let what the doctor had said sink in. He would need another surgery. A third open heart surgery. This couldn't be happening. He loved his life. What would this mean for his lifestyle? Would he have to give up riding his motorcycle? Would he have to stop consulting for the SBPD?

"Shawn," Henry started. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Shawn shook his head slowly. "No, not right now." The three sat in silence for a moment, feeling the life drain out of the room. "Can you give me a minute?" Shawn said.

"Yeah, no problem," Gus said, sensing his best friend needed some time to collect his thoughts. "We'll be back later."

Shawn waited until he heard Gus and Henry's footsteps disappear down the hall. When he knew they were out of earshot, he finally let his walls down. He couldn't keep his emotions in any longer. Shawn Spencer, started to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

Santa Barbara, CA, 1987

As soon as Shawn came home from school, Henry knew something was bothering his son. Shawn threw his backpack in the corner, ignored Henry's greeting and stomped up the stairs to his bedroom. It didn't take a detective to know that there was something bothering Shawn.

Henry knocked softly on his son's bedroom door. Shawn didn't respond, so Henry took it upon himself to come in. Shawn was laying on his bed with his back to the door. He had taken off the short-sleeved tee shirt he was wearing and replaced it with a winter sweater. Henry sat on the edge of Shawn's bed, careful not to move the bed too much.

"Did something happen at school today?" Henry asked.

Shawn shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Why did you change your shirt?"

"I was cold."

"Shawn, I think you and I both know that you weren't cold. It's April, it's hot outside." Henry paused for a moment, thinking of the reasons why Shawn was upset. _He changed his shirt, so it has to have something to do with that. Maybe he spilled something on it he didn't want me to see. Well, I don't think that would make him so upset. Is he getting bullied at school?_ Henry thought. _It's his scar, I bet. That's why he changed his shirt._

"Did someone make fun of you at school?" Henry said, bringing up the subject careful.

"I'm only wearing collared shirts or sweaters to school."

"Even in the summer?"

"No one will see my scar that way." Shawn admitted.

"Someone made fun of your scar, right?" Henry inferred.

Shawn nodded, tears springing to his eyes. He wiped them away fast, ashamed to cry in front of his Dad. "Some seventh graders saw my scar and teased me for it. It embarrassed me. I don't want anyone to know that I was sick."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed of your scar. It's part of who you are."

"I know," Shawn whined. "I wish it wasn't."

"I wish it wasn't too, but it is, and you have to deal with it," Henry said, in his tough but loving way. "Don't worry about the kids that teased you. Your true friends would never tease you for something that you can't control. Besides, you can barely see your scar. Now, take that sweater off. It's way too hot."

"Barely see my scar," Shawn scoffed. " _I_ can still see it." He wiped his eyes on his arm, doubtful that his observant father missed the tears in his eyes. He obeyed his father's orders, and changed his shirt.

He would tell his Mom about what happened when she came home.

Santa Barbara, CA, 2008

Shawn wiped his eyes hastily. He was Shawn Spencer, he didn't cry. He was the one that made jokes and kept the mood light.

He couldn't believe he needed another surgery. He thought he would be okay now, after his second open heart surgery when he was a teenager. This was the one thing the fake-psychic did not see coming. Now, he was finally at a point in his life where he was happy with what he was doing. He was working a job that he that he loved with his best friend. He was on better terms with his Dad. He was developing real feelings for Juliet. He would hate to give all of that up for his stupid heart problem.

Shawn had stopped crying by the time Henry and Gus had come back. They both had coffee cups in their hands. Shawn was surprised that Gus had gone this long without a snack.

"What are you thinking?" Henry asked his son.

Shawn shrugged his shoulders, trying to mask his feelings from his Dad. "I need the surgery, so I don't really have a choice."

The knock on the door by Dr. Williams diverted the trio's attention to him. "After reviewing your case more carefully, I have decided on the best valve replacement options for Shawn. One would be a mechanical valve, and the other would be a tissue valve. A tissue valve replacement is a valve made from animal donor's and human's donor tissue. It is not as long lasting as a mechanical valve, since they only last ten to twenty years. The probability that you'll have to have another tissue valve replacement in your lifetime is high. However, you don't have to take blood thinners when you have a tissue valve replacement."

Shawn felt a little grossed out about having an animal's tissue in his heart, but he let the doctor continue.

"The mechanical valve will last a lot longer, a lifetime. You will not need another valve replacement with the mechanical valve."

Shawn liked this option better already, but he knew there was a downside coming.

"But you will need take blood thinners for the rest of your life."

 _And there's the downside,_ Shawn thought.

Dr. Williams continued. "There is a higher risk of clotting with a mechanical valve, so you will need to take a daily aspirin and warfarin, a blood thinner. You'll have to be extremely careful not to cut yourself. Even a simple nick while shaving could cause excessive blood loss. There are pros and cons to both options, but I would recommend the mechanical valve. You won't have to have another valve replacement surgery, and it's a safer option. But of course, the final decision is up to you."

Dr. Williams left, leaving Shawn with the tough choice.

"I would go with the mechanical option," Henry said. "It's safer, and its what the doctor recommended."

"But the blood thinners Dad," Shawn complained. "You wanted me to be in law enforcement my whole life, and now that I am, I would have to give that up."

"Work a desk job," Henry countered.

"That's not for me and you know it." Shawn rubbed his hands over his face, noticing the stubble. "I couldn't even cut myself shaving on the blood thinners. I'm doing the tissue replacement. I've decided."

"Shawn, maybe you shouldn't rush this decision," Gus offered. He knew a little bit about blood thinners, and that Shawn would hate them. In the business that they worked, getting hurt on the job was part of it. Shawn would have to give up consulting for the police department and stop riding his motorcycle, which he would never do. But he also wanted to make sure that Shawn wasn't making an impulsive choice.

"I'm not rushing this decision," Shawn countered. "The tissue valve is the right choice for me. It works better with my lifestyle."

"But you'll have to have another valve replacement," Gus said.

"I'll worry about that in ten to twenty years," Shawn replied.

"You know who you have to call," Henry said.

"I know," Shawn said. "I'll call Mom." She always knew what to say to make Shawn feel better.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long since I last updated! I will definitely try to keep the updates coming much faster from now on. Thanks for all the support on my story!

Santa Barbara, CA, 1987

Shawn scrubbed the dishes in the sink, dirty from the dinner he just had with his Mom. Henry had been working the night shift, and wasn't home for dinner. He just finished washing the last dish when he felt his heart palpitate. He was used to the occasional irregular beat of his heart, but this was so strong that it made him drop the dish that he was holding.

Madeline entered the kitchen when she heard a plate shattering on the floor. "Is everything okay in here?"

She felt her own heart skip a beat when she saw her son's pale face and his hand gripping his heart. "Goose, what's wrong? Tell me what's wrong." Her voice was rising in panic. She thought her ten year old son was having a heart attack.

Shawn shook his head wordlessly. "I don't know. My heart felt like it skipped a beat. I got scared." He took a deep breath. "I'm okay now."

Madeline cupped his face in her hands. "It's okay, I know it's scary. Does it still hurt now?"

"No." Shawn swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He was already embarrassed to have his Mom worried about him like this, and he didn't want to start crying in front of her. "It was just a palpitation. I made it look worse than it was, really. I just got scared something bad was happening."

Madeline smoothed back Shawn's hair, and pressed him into a hug. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this Shawn. But I'm still going to make an appointment with your cardiologist first thing in the morning."

Shawn hated going to the doctor, but appreciated his Mom's concern. With her hug, he felt his scared feeling going away.

XxXxXxXx

Santa Barbara, CA, 2008

Madeline had cried when Shawn had called her. She was at a conference in New York City, but promised to take the first flight home to see her son. Madeline was ashamed to admit that she didn't know Shawn was having heart problems again.

Meanwhile, Shawn had been released from the hospital. He had made an appointment with his doctor to have the tissue valve replacement surgery, but both Henry and Gus thought he should go with mechanical valve option. Ultimately the decision was Shawn's, but that didn't stop Henry from disagreeing with it.

Henry had insisted that Shawn live with him until he had recovered fully, much to Shawn's dismay. Shawn had protested, but when Henry didn't give in, Shawn sucked it up and stayed by his Dad's. Shawn thought that it was probably better to be staying at Henry's, even if he wouldn't admit it out loud.

When they got to the house, Shawn laid on his childhood bed, observing everything around him. Nothing had been moved since he left. Even the open book he left on his desk thirteen years ago had not been moved. His Dad kept everything the same, which Shawn found odd yet comforting at the same time. He felt like he was eighteen and in high school again.

The doorbell rang, which Shawn thought was either Gus or his Mom. It was Gus. Shawn pushed himself up in a sitting position, fighting the dizziness that clouded his vision. The doctor said that Shawn should be careful sitting and standing up too fast because his low blood pressure would cause dizziness and fainting spells. Shawn was actually looking forward to having the valve in his heart replaced, hoping it would get rid of all his annoying symptoms. He was more tired than ever.

"What's going on?" Shawn asked.

"I got your stuff." Gus had brought over a suitcase of Shawn's clothes and toiletries that he would need while staying by Henry's.

"Thanks, buddy."

"I just got off the phone with your Mom," Henry said. "She'll be here in five minutes." Henry got out the meat from the fridge and started to make dinner.

"Are you staying for dinner?" Shawn asked Gus.

"If I'm welcome to."

Shawn rolled his eyes. "Of course you're welcome to."

"That's why I bought an extra steak." Henry got out three steaks and one chicken breast and started to grill them. He also got two beers from the fridge and gave one to himself and one to Gus.

"Sorry, you can't have any," Henry said to Shawn.

"I know," Shawn said, eyeing the lone chicken breast on the counter.

Henry saw where Shawn's eyes were looking. "Chicken is more heart-healthy. You should stay away from red meat."

Shawn slumped down in his chair, cursing his stupid, weak heart. It wasn't his fault that his heart was frail, yet he was being punished for it.

Shawn saw his mother's rental car pull up in the driveway. "Mom's here."

Madeline knocked softly at the door.

"Come on in," Henry said. "Madeline, this is your house too, you don't have to knock."

"I didn't want to intrude." Madeline rushed over to Shawn. "My boy, how are you? I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"Mom, I'm fine, you don't have to worry."

"Of course I'm going to worry, you're my son. Why didn't you call me sooner?"

"I knew you had an important conference, and I didn't want to bother you."

"You're not bothering me." Madeline gave Shawn another hug. "I'm staying here until after you have your surgery. And Gus," She turned to her son's best friend. "It's so good to see you again. You look so grown up."

Gus returned her hug. "It's good to see you as well."

"Steaks are ready," Henry announced, serving them up to everyone but Shawn.

Shawn cut into his chicken breast without complaint. The seasoning his father had added to the chicken made it taste pretty good. The four of them settled into an awkward silence which made Shawn uncomfortable. The only sound was knives and forks scraping against the plates. Shawn decided to break the silence. "So, Mom, where will you be staying?"

"I booked a hotel down the road," she answered.

"You did?" Henry asked. "That's ridiculous. You shouldn't pay for a hotel when I have a perfectly good house you can stay at. You can take the bedroom and I'll take the couch."

Madeline paused. "If you're okay with it. Cancelling the hotel will save me some money."

Shawn rolled his eyes. His divorced parents would be living under the same roof for the first time in thirteen years.

Now he _really_ felt like he was back in high school again.


	5. Chapter 5

Santa Barbara, CA, 1979

Madeline entered her sleeping two-year old's room, as he was just waking up from his nap. She tried to wake him for lunch, but his sleeping state was too deep. She let him rest until he was ready to be awake. Shawn's pediatric cardiologist told Madeline that toddlers with his congenital heart defect slept more often than others his age, but so far he had been okay. Madeline might even consider him more active than the average toddler. Madeline had hoped that today was simply because he was coming down with a seasonal cold. Almost everyone at his daycare had one.

Shawn's only meal today was breakfast, so he had to be starving by now.

She rubbed his back, watching his big green eyes flutter awake. He awoke with a yawn, arms outstretched expecting her embrace. She complied, picking up her son and holding him close to her chest.

"Are you hungry? You missed lunch."

Shawn nodded, starting to wake up some more. His head turned to watch out the window, interested as to what was going on in the world around him. Some kids were playing outside, and their laughter could be heard through Shawn's half open window. His head perked up at the sound of a young girl's playful scream and giggles.

"Outside." Shawn's chubby hand pointed towards the window. "I play too."

Madeline kissed his soft forehead. "I know honey, we can go play after we have dinner."

Shawn rested his head against his mother's shoulder, and allowed himself to be cared for.

XxXxXxXx

Santa Barbara, CA, 2008

Madeline sat in her ex-husband's armchair, thumbing through one of his old fishing magazines. She didn't know why he bought these silly things, but she flipped through it for the sake of boredom. Madeline packed hastily when she received word of Shawn's condition, so she didn't get to pack any of her books. She smiled over at Shawn, as she noticed him stirring in his sleep. He had taken a nap on the couch after he had lunch, which concerned Madeline. Shawn had been sleeping more than he ever has, even when he was a toddler. The doctor had assured her that Shawn's fatigue was perfectly normal, and to be expected, but Madeline still had her worries. The doctors didn't know Shawn like she knew him. Her son was always active, playing from sun up to sun down. Now, he barely had the energy to make it through dinner without his falling asleep in his soup bowl.

Shawn stretched under the fleece blanket, grateful for whoever covered him with it. He had been getting cold more frequently, which the doctor warned him would happen. It was the middle of August and he was wearing a pair of fleece pajama bottoms and a long-sleeved t-shirt.

Madeline moved over to where Shawn was sleeping, and started rubbing his hair back. It was a little long for her liking, but she'd let that slide. He always loved when she would play with his hair when he was little, so she thought it might offer him some comfort now. Shawn looked so much younger now, like he reversed his age back five years.

Shawn scrubbed at his tired eyes, sitting up carefully. "How long was I asleep?"

Madeline continued to stroke his hair. "About three hours."

"It felt like ten minutes." Shawn sat up and stretched, feeling unrefreshed from his three hour snooze.

"Well, you better start waking up because I got word that a pretty, blonde detective will be stopping by after her shift."

Shawn sat up straighter. "Juliet?"

Madeline leaned in closer to Shawn. "If I can give you a tip, mother to son, you better clean up a bit. Juliet will appreciate it."

"Yeah, I think you're right." Shawn felt his face, noticing the beard growth. He usually kept his face under a perpetual one-day stubble, but ever since he got sick he let his facial hair grow. His hair could definitely use some styling too.

Sliding gently off the couch, he made his way to the bathroom. He shaved, styled his hair, and tossed his dirty pajamas into the hamper. His hair could use a cut, but that would have to wait until after he was better. He changed into his usual jeans and t-shirt and made his way back to the couch.

"It's amazing how the promise of Juliet coming over gets you to clean up." Madeline joked. "Do I need to sit here and supervise?"

"Mom, please, I'm not fifteen anymore."

"I know honey, but you're still my baby." Madeline leaned down to kiss his forehead. She headed upstairs, giving her son his alone time.

"I know Mom, thank you." Shawn settled down in the couch, eager for Juliet's arrival. This would be the most exciting thing that happened to him all week. He checked his watch, thinking of what Juliet was doing at this very moment. Shawn knew that she would be leaving the station at this time. Perhaps she was organizing the files at her desk, so they would be ready for her tomorrow. Or maybe she was saying goodnight to the fellow officers at the station and heading to her car.

Shawn leaned back into the couch, his thoughts still stuck on Jules. Could this be considered a date? Probably not. It was just a friend visiting another friend after work. After he had his surgery, he hoped he could take her on a proper date, and not one in his Dad's living room. She deserved a real date, at a fancy restaurant.

The knock at the door was answered by Henry, before Shawn got the chance to get it.

"Detective O'Hara, it's great to see you again," Henry said.

"Thank you for letting me stop by."

Henry nodded and excused himself. Shawn got off the couch and made his way into the kitchen. "Jules, you look lovely today, as always."

She was wearing a light pink blouse and gray pencil skirt, and her hair was swept off of her face in a loose bun. She smiled back at him, tucking a loose blonde strand of hair behind her ear. She gave him a hug, arms wrapping around his slender waist. He had lost some weight since the last time she saw him. She could see it in his face too, his cheekbones had protruded in a way that they never have before.

Shawn gripped her hand and led her over to the couch. "Can I get you something to drink?" He offered.

"No, thank you." Juliet smoothed out her skirt. "You look so much better than the last time I saw you."

Shawn smirked. "I hope so. I feel better too."

"I'm glad to hear it. If it means anything, we ended up getting the case that you were called on solved. The Chief's hunch was right and we ended up getting it solved sooner than we thought."

"I miss solving cases, being at the station, doing my thing." Shawn put his finger up to his head. "I'm sensing that a certain salt and pepper haired detective asked you how I was doing."

Juliet smiled even brighter. "That's amazing. I can see that being sick didn't impede your psychic ability. He asked me right before I left to come here. I told him that I was going to see you after work and he asked me to say hello to you. Buzz and the Chief send their well wishes too."

"That's nice of them."

Juliet scooted a few inches closer, which made Shawn smile. "How have you been feeling, really?" She was not a psychic, but it didn't take one to recognize that Shawn was not being entirely truthful with her.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm tired a lot more, sometimes dizzy. I sleep most of the day, when I'm not eating or Gus visits. I haven't been able to ride my bike since the day I went to the hospital. But I'm okay."

"When is your surgery scheduled for?"

"In a week. I'm glad to get it over with, actually. I'm hoping I'll feel better once this whole thing is behind me."

Juliet placed her hand on top of his, and smoothed her thumb across his knuckles. "I'm sure you'll be better in no time. I miss having you at work. The station is too quiet without you and Gus."

Shawn grinned, and leaned back into the couch. He had little to no activity since his untimely hospital visit, so he was grateful to see another face other than his Dad, Mom and Gus.

Juliet ended up staying for over an hour. Midway through telling Shawn how Lassiter discharged his weapon at the last crime scene they were at, she covered her hand with her mouth as she yawned.

Shawn checked his watch. "Jules, it's past 10 o'clock."

"Is it really? I'm sorry, I'm getting tired Shawn. I was up at seven this morning."

Shawn patted her hand reassuringly. "There's no need to apologize. Someone has to keep the streets of Santa Barbara safe now that Gus and I are gone for awhile."

Juliet let him take her hand as he led her to the door. "I'm sure The Chief will have plenty of cases for you two whenever you get back."

Shawn gave her a goodnight hug, which she returned. "Thank you for stopping by tonight." He took a breath. "I really appreciate it."

She rested her forehead on his shoulder for a second. "Of course." She pulled back, letting go of his hands. "Please call me or let me know if there's anything I can do for you."

Shawn smiled, thanking her again for her late-night visit. He watched her leave from the kitchen window, the porch light giving her face a warm glow. Shawn continued to stand there after she got into her car, watching as her car's headlights disappeared down the driveway.

A/N: It wouldn't be a Psych fic if there wasn't a little bit of Shules…


	6. Chapter 6

Santa Barbara, CA, 1992

Shawn sat up in his hospital bed, eager to get this whole ordeal over with. He was scheduled for his second open-heart surgery, like the first one wasn't enough for him. The doctors thought he needed it, his parents had agreed, and the decision was final. Not like Shawn had any say in matter, no matter how many times he insisted it was his heart and he should voice his opinion.

At least he got to miss school, that was cool, but he also had to spend that time lying in bed at home. He would be on bedrest for a while. Gus had brought him over his textbooks and some magazines the day before, and he promised to visit after he was done with the school day.

Shawn's cardiothoracic surgeon had just been in his room a few minutes ago, so he figured it wouldn't be long now. Just as he thought, the anesthesiologist that would be putting him under for his surgery entered the room.

"Are you ready?" He asked Shawn, dressed in his surgery scrubs.

"I guess so."

The anesthesiologist approached Shawn's bedside. "I'm going to inject you with a basic relaxer, meant to calm you down but not put you under completely."

Madeline leaned forward and gripped Shawn's hand with her own. "Honey, everything's going to be okay."

"I know, please don't make this dramatic. It's not like I'm going into war. You'll see me soon."

She rubbed his forearm, careful of the IV's injected in his arm. "I'll be here when you wake up. Dad will be too."

"Thanks Mom," he mumbled, already feeling the effects of whatever relaxing drug was being injected into his system. He closed his eyes, ready to get this surgery over with.

XxXxXxXx

Santa Barbara, CA, 2008

Shawn rested the phone on his shoulder, not even bothering to take down notes. His cardiologist had called to give him a list of things he needed to do before his surgery in a week. He knew all this information already. Don't eat anything 24 hours before you're scheduled surgery time, start taking showers with the special soap, stop shaving in case you cut yourself, be at the hospital at 11:00 a.m., bring a list of your current medications with you, blah, blah, blah. Hopefully Shawn would never have to have this conversation with another doctor again.

"Ok, thanks doctor," he said, trying to cut the conversation off. He pinched the bridge of nose and rested the phone back in the cradle. He couldn't _wait_ to be done with this. He just wanted to have his life back. He wanted to hang around the SBPD, bother Lassie, flirt with Jules, get cases from Chief Vick, hang at the Psych office with Gus. He couldn't even visit his favorite food vendors ever since his Dad put him on this heart healthy, no fun diet. One more week until his surgery, plus recovery time, and then he would be back for good.

"Was that the doctor?" Henry piped up from where he was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, nothing to report. He just wanted to tell me how to prep for surgery."

"Did you pay attention?"

"Enough. I've been through this before, you know."

"You don't have to remind me. I wasn't the one who passed out at a crime scene."

"Don't remind me of that," Shawn replied, heading for the couch. He eased himself down, reaching for the blanket to cover him. He flipped the TV on, scrolling through the channels until he settled on ESPN. He watched the sports highlights for a few minutes before growing bored. He was sick of this cycle. Wake up, have breakfast, nap, have lunch, watch TV, have dinner, go to bed. It was the same thing, day in and day out.

Shawn scrolled through his phone, dialing Gus's number on speed dial. When he got Gus's professional-sounding voicemail, he kept trying until his best friend answered.

"Shawn, I'm on my route. What do you want?"

"Buddy! I'm bored, come entertain me."

"I'm coming over after I'm done with work. I can't just up and leave in the middle of my route."

"Sure you can! Now come and bring me a smoothie. I'm thinking pineapple."

He heard a pause, then shuffling on the other end of the line. "Fine," Gus acquiesced. "I'll be there in ten minutes."

Like he promised, Gus arrived with smoothies in tow. Pineapple for Shawn and strawberry banana for himself.

Shawn sipped at his smoothie, thankful for a snack that wasn't on his Dad's approved heart-healthy menu.

"Did you drag me away from my route just so I could bring you a snack?" Gus asked.

"That, and for the wonderful company that only you can provide. Also, I was thinking we could drop in on the SBPD. What are they doing without us?"

"I don't think the Chief will give us any cases."

"I know, but we can assist our old pal Lassie, right? Maybe see Jules too."

Gus rolled his eyes, but secretly grateful for the change of pace in his day. Psych was never short on adventure. Grabbing the keys to the blueberry, they were off with their smoothies in hand.

XxXxXxXx

Lassiter sat at his desk, elbow deep in paperwork. At least the station was quiet, for once. Lassiter hated to admit it, but the station had been quieter ever since Shawn got sick. He would never wish ill on him, but he did appreciate that he would be able to get some work done without all the typical Spencer shenanigans.

He got seven minutes of paper work done before Spencer leaned behind him, making Lassiter drop his pen in surprise.

"What're doing?" Shawn asked.

"I was attempting to get my work done," Lassiter said through clenched teeth. "Aren't you on bedrest or something?"

"Maybe Gus and I can help," Shawn said, ignoring Lassiter's question. "What open cases do you have?" Shawn grabbed at the case file in Lassiter's hands, but Lassiter snatched it back.

"None of your concern."

"C'mon Lassie, let me help on something. Gus and I are offering our services, free of charge. This is a one-time offer."

Lassiter flipped the page of the case file with a sigh. "You can help Detective O'Hara find her computer mouse pad. It was gone when she arrived this morning. She hasn't been able to find it."

Shawn paused in thought, then rose his middle finger to his temple. "I'm seeing Detective Miller. He's snatching- no, grabbing- Jules' mouse pad before she came to work. She just got a new one, he wants it for himself."

Lassiter's brows furrowed. "You solved it that fast?"

"The spirits are especially generous today Lassie. If we check Detective Miller's mouse pad, I guarantee it will belong to Jules."

Shawn strode across the station, lifting the pad from underneath Detective Miller's mouse.

"Hey, what are you do-"

"Property of J. O'Hara," Shawn read the sticker on the back of the pad, cutting off the thieving Detective. "I believe this belongs to Juliet."

Gus smirked, still unsure of how his best friend figured that out so fast.

Shawn headed over to Juliet's desk, waving the pad in front of him. "Looking for something?"

"Shawn, hi!" Juliet smiled at him. "You found it. Where was it?"

Shawn nodded in the direction of Detective Miller. "He took it from your desk before you got here this morning."

"I should have known. Anyways, how are you feeling? Isn't you're surgery next week?"

"It is. But don't worry, I'll be back solving your cases in no time," Shawn said.

"I wouldn't expect it any other way."

"Is there something I can help with? I'm so bored of watching TV at my Dad's."

Juliet brushed her hair off her shoulder. "Sorry Shawn, it's been a quiet week, no homicides. Lassiter and I have been catching up on paperwork today. Even Chief Vick is out of town at a conference."

"So I've heard."

"I'm busy today Shawn, I'm sorry. I promise I'll visit after you have your surgery. I wish you the best of luck and a speedy recovery."

"Thanks, Jules. I appreciate it."

"See you later Shawn."

Shawn met up with Gus, who was waiting on the bench in the lobby. "Are you ready?" Gus said, reaching for his car keys.

"Yeah," Shawn replied. "Too bad the station was quiet."

"You look tired."

Shawn nodded slowly, thinking a nap would sound great right about now. He was annoyed that the short trip to the station had made him tired.

"Are you going to tell me how you figured out the mouse pad thing so fast?" Gus said, once they were in the car.

"Easy, I remembered Detective Miller's mouse pad was old and scratched up the last time we were at the station. When Jules visited me at my Dad's, she mentioned she got a new mouse pad. Today, Detective Miller's pad was clean and new."

"Of course you would remember that."

Shawn smiled, letting his arm rest out of the car. It felt good to solve something again, even if it was the case of the missing mouse pad. He couldn't wait the day until he would be back for good.

A/N: Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for the long hiatus. The truth is, Shawn's character is sometimes difficult for me to write sometimes. His character and voice is pretty different than what I usually write. After reading so many amazing Psych fanfictions, I felt insecure about the way I write Shawn compared to other authors. Nevertheless, I will never abandon a story, and am doing my best to write Shawn well.


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